It's been about three weeks since I touched down in Singapore.

After three weeks, things have finally begun to settle down, and finally, I really begin to feel the slow wind-down of the engine, and finally, I can perhaps breathe and sigh, "I'm home."

Things have been quite a whirl since I got back.

Emotions have also been on an (unwilling) roller-coaster ride. Or rides.

But I'm really home.

Home.

HOME.

Mm. Helps when you type it out a few times.

I'm reading some of my friends' blogs and I'm amazed by what they've been up to since they got back. Where did they get all that energy from?

Anyway. It's a quiet night. Feels like a lulling boat on a dark, empty ocean. Clear moonlight, and loads of little stars. Pregnant with a huge, suspended breath.

Good night. ;)

[Will try to update about the backpacking trip in Europe soon.] 0 oogly boogly . #

Hi Cookie!!

You Are Cookie Monster

Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth. You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around. You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and usual way of speaking How you life your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!"

0 oogly boogly . #

Hi hi!

I'm BACK! :D:D

Will update soon. This is JetLag week. :D

MUACKIES~!

Later peeps. :) 2 oogly boogly . #

Hey hey!!! Sorry for the super long absence.

After the arrival of Q, everything has just been in a huge whirl. First we zoom-zoomed off to my residence, stayed one night, and zoom-zoomed off to Don and Grace's place the next day, stayed a couple more days, and zoom-zoomed off to Toronto, followed by Ottawa, Montreal, and now we are in Quebec city!!!

Hahaha. Internet access is highly limited (or slow), so I will only be updating very, very infrequently. This is just to let everyone know we are okay, having fun, and everything has been lovely. :):)

I'll try to put up a countdown for home soon. :D:D Leaving Quebec city tomorrow and heading back to Don and Grace's, so...

Till then!! :):)

(Typing this on FRENCH KEYBOARD on a MAC system is pretty trying. SO APPRECIATE IT YOU GUYS!! :D ) 0 oogly boogly . #

OMG I can hardly sit still and wait!!!

Once I get back, I'm going to occupy myself, go and sleep, and VOILA it's FRIDAY!!! Then I'm gonna pack up ALL my stuff, clean up my room, arrange everything nice and tidy for my darling's arrival! I'm gonna play some music to keep my company, AHHH yes play the CD my sister got for me (HUGS!) and spend some quiet time.

OH MY GOODNESS I FORGOT to say. Because I extended my stay here for one more week, we have to do work duties. DO YOU KNOW I HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE COMMON ROOM!?!?!?!? It has I think TWO WEEKS OF GARBAGE in there, and I HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP!!!! (Because the previous DM didn't do his job, APPARENTLY).

I am so MAD!! Growl. I kinda knew it would happen... but still!!! :( Gah.

Anyway, the thing is, after I sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow, my next waking moment will be to SEE MY DARLING AT THE AIRPORT!!!!~ YAY!! :):):)

It's a looooooooooong way to the airport, but I hope I've got everything settled. *keeps fingers crossed* I realized I get very stressed up about travel plans and everytime I think of them I get a splitting headache.

Yes, Grace! I finally realize the true reason for my headaches. I didn't tell you guys about my headaches right? Yah. When I was writing my Canadian paper, I had such a huge headache I really kinda blanked out. I think that's because I studied too much and worked too hard that week (wrote three essays and two exams).

Then when I went over to their place for the weekend, the headache persisted and only went away after much TLC (Tender Loving Care!) from Don and Grace. Haha. On Monday I had to think about my last essay again and also the VIA Rail stuff, and made sure I had all the Canada travel plans settled, so the headache came on again.

NOW, I've been sitting at this computer in the Davis Centre (DC holds one of the few libraries on campus) for about three hours. Sending emails to make sure I've got the Toronto stuff down pat (so I won't get lost on Saturday!!!). Mind you, it's a three-hour PLUSPLUS journey to the airport!!

And also, I've been checking out potential accomodations for our Europe tour. Whilst the Canada trip is nice and ready, Europe is pretty much UNPLANNED. We've got the Railpass, and my birthday in Venice, but that's about it. Hahahahahaha.

Yups. So after looking at all that, and worrying about every damn thing, I am having another headache. Hahahaha. Yay. But typing all that out now I feel much better. :):)

I MISS MY PAPA AND MAMA, LISA AND CHARLIEBOY!!!! *sniffles!!* Sending you all loads of HUGS and KISSES ok!! *muacks muacks!!* :)

Alrighty. I'll be heading back to my room now. :):) Later~~! :) 0 oogly boogly . #

I am finally DONE. DONE FOR GOOD FOR WATERLOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hahahhahhahaa. Finished my last essay. It was very super sloppy but I really, really just wanted to get it done! And now it is! Hahahah. Oh well. I tried my best. So. :D

It's end of Wednesday!!

Been at Don and Grace's house over the weekend and stayed till today. Don and Grace are like my very own Canadian family. :) Don says I put on weight, though. :( Sobs!!!

It's been quite a crazy weekend, actually. Planning for our Canada mini-getaway is so tedious. GAH. But baby will be here ON SATURDAY!!!!!!! And he will write his last paper later (Thursday evening, SG time). YAY! :):):)

I can't wait for him to finish his exams and arrive. :):) 0 oogly boogly . #

I am panicking.

I realize that I have taken the internet in my room for granted.

These past four months, I have come back everyday to an surety of internet. I have come back to my perpetual online status on MSN, the assurance that I am always connected to the rest of the world, the assurance that I can get my emails anytime and all the time, the assurance that I will see my family online as soon as it's evening here.

I have woken up everyday to the assurance that my baby is online, doing his work, waiting for me, watching me sleep. I have woken up to the warmth of his voice, the reassuring presence of "Charles" and "Q" with the little green button by their names, telling me they are online, telling me as soon as I click the little green telephone, I will hear their voice. See their faces.

Have my daily, necessary, dose of home.

Oh. My. God. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow morning, I will no longer have this privilege. The person will come and collect the modem in the morning. And I will truly, truly feel, the meaning of alone. No longer able to click and access the world, to ease my anxieties, to have and hold, my family, and my sweetheart.

This is finally, finally, what is bothering me. I have an exam tomorrow, but I cannot study. I cannot bear the feeling. I am dreading it, as I have never dreaded anything else in my life.

Do you know the story of children and their daemons? They have an eternal bond between them, that ensures eternal companionship. They will never be alone. As soon as they are separated, they will each wander around, lost, souless, and finally, they will die away.

I am being paranoid, of course. And 'melodramatic', as some would have it. How will Don and Grace find me? What a ridiculous question, of course, my better sensibilities tell me. They will find me as they always do.

I am so afraid. I am afraid of how I will feel in that instant I hang up on Skype, knowing it is the last one I will ever be able to make from my room. Oh. Hold me, someone. I am afraid I will feel so cut off, so amputated, that I will frantically grasp onto any means and ways I can find to get back 'online' again.

How can I study for my paper in this state?

Oh, God. Come, dear Lord. Please.

I am so afraid.

Dear Grace, please come and find me soon.... I feel alone already.

I am trying to be brave, but I am so afraid.

:(

sobs. 0 oogly boogly . #

I finished another essay! Muahahhahaha. The one where my prof asked me to rewrite--It's Done!

It was rather tedious, but now it's done! YAY!!!

Left ONE exam and ONE essay! La la la. :D

Tomorrow is Canadian Lit. I'm not sure how to feel about it. :( I've always enjoyed most of the books in the course, and grinding them into my head for examination purposes seem.... strange? I don't know. Makes me uncomfortable. :(

Sigh.

Pray that I can still take pleasure in these books whilst preparing them for the exam... :) AMEN!

*happy!* Hee! :D

[Picture: Easter egg painting! Thanks to Emily and Cheryl on Easter Sunday. :) That is specially painted for Mr.BoyfriendDearest. Mainly cuz it's blue. Haha.] 0 oogly boogly . #

YAY! I finished another essay! It was later than I planned, but nevertheless it's done now! And I really think this is the most ambitious essay I've ever written. Hahah. Feels like I wrote a mini PhD.

Ok. I'm exaggerating. But seriously, you know, or at least, I know, when I've written a blast of a paper when at the end of it, I feel light-headed, my vision is woozy, and my body is aching.

And then you just wanna go, Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah........... It's done. Smiles. Beams. ^______________^ Grin silly. Whatever. Hahaha.

SO HUNGRY. YAY! Shall take the rest of the night off. :):) (Or whatever's left of it, hahaha.)

[Picture is fresh from the oven! Taken after I finished the paper. Grinning stupidly. Hahaha. :D] 0 oogly boogly . #

Just came back from my second last exam! This is the first time ever I completed all the essays and even left early! Hahahahhaa. That is simply because I don't have enough to say.

Oh well! That's over! Yay! A big load off my head! I'm telling you, Critical Theory is not easy ok. The materials are so damn hard to digest. Just pick up any Hegel or Irigaray or whatever--you'll see what I mean. :D

Done, done, done! :D:D Yay! Only ONE more exam (on Fri) and TWO essays left!

Ok, technically, three essays. Because even though I completed one on Monday (SO HAPPY!), my Postcolonial prof just emailed me to tell me to rewrite that essay. So. The math would have been 3 - 1 = 2 + 1 = 3.

Never mind. I won't let it get me down. It's the last days, and I'm gonna give it all my bestest best shot. :D:D La la la!

I even bought Egg Fried Rice to pamper myself. Hahaha. :D

Alrighty. Later, peeps. ;)

[Picture of tulips that Grace arranged for Easter brunch on Sunday. The tulips are pretty, eh? Hee.] 0 oogly boogly . #

I'm back! :)

Had a MOST lovely time at Don and Grace's; but I hardly got any work done. Haha. I SUCK!! Now it's back to REALITY for five days (almost) before it's all over for good.

JUST 2 Exams and 3 Papers, people!! And then I'll be free like a chippity-chirpity birdie bird bird! :D

La la~

Waiting for my darling to wake up now... MMM. :) *I will be positively squealing once that nifty counter hits TEN days left.* ^_____________^ Hee! :D:D

Okie. Shall be getting things in order and getting myself back into groove, baby.

Happy Easter, people!! 0 oogly boogly . #

Sometimes, on Good Days, I do feel I have the potential to be pretty cute.




On such days, when I look in the mirror, I might also feel like this:

Hahahaha. :D

Off to Guelph for the weekend! It's Easter! Grace is bringing me for another haircut "in readiness for Q's arrival". Hahaha. Also, we'll be having HOT CROSS MUFFINS!!! Remember the nursery song, 'Hot cross buns, hot cross buns' or something? Hahaha. And we're also gonna do some Easter Egg painting with Emily! *happy and excited*

^__________^

Will be back on Sunday~ Don't miss me! :D 0 oogly boogly . #

Nah. That's how I feel now, ok?!

Fat and dumpy ugly and incredibly unattractive.

Swepna lost weight, ok. Why is it that I must put on weight?!

'Nuff said. GROWL. :( 0 oogly boogly . #

Yay!!! Three papers down, two to go!! So happy! Hahaha. The Romanticism paper today was kinda like my after-this-take-a-break point; so whilst I was really preparing hard for the paper, I was also looking forward to it so much!!

It's like during the whole week, everytime I feel super stressed, or depressed, or tired, or burnt out (trust me, I did!!), and just wanna give up and concuss on my bed, I told myself, Monday! Monday! Monday! Hang in there, and you can rest all you want on Monday after the paper!!

Hahaha. Everytime I wanna take a break, or just take a breather, I tell myself, 'Not now, MONDAY!'. I even prepared a delicious dinner today as a treat for myself, and Haagen Diaz Cookie Dough Ice-Cream!! Planning this little treat kept me going man. :D:D

It's tough, ok? Too many books to read and authors to cover, and so little time and energy.

So after my paper, I booked an appointment with the school health centre (I really don't know what's up with my skin, and I want it to clear before *muacks muacks* comes!! Haha.). And I got myself a nice Timmy Horton's lunch, and I was off to the mall!!!

Haha. After trying on various tops and bottoms, and going into every store that looks affordable, and even though I didn't buy much (air freshener, water, cushy socks, a couple of toiletries, and a secret top hahaha :D), I'm feeling so ^__________^ ! It's the walking around, not the splurging, understand? Haha.

Oh, and the best part is, I found a pair of shoes that are absolutely gorgeous. They are gorgeous because they look gorgeous on me, and they add extra inches to my petite frame, AND they're SO COMFORTABLE!!!

But. It's $49.99. :( The sales person said they'll have a different sale next week, so I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed and hope they're on sale next week!!

Actually they didn't look all that appealing on the shelf; but the pair I originally went to check out didn't work out, so I was like, ah, what the hell, just try lah. Hahaha. :D So you see! It's always good to try different/new stuff--you never know what might just work for you! :D

So happy! *bounce bounce* Hee. Gonna whip up a storm with my neighbour too, for dinner (she's Persian/Canadian, and a superb cook). :D

Hooray. Today is ME day! Self-declared. No work today, just good food and music and a much welcomed good night's rest. ;)

Later, peeps. ;) 0 oogly boogly . #

Hi Charles!! Look what I got for you!


Isn't it the biggest slice of pizza you've ever had?! ONE SLICE! And I've already had a couple of bites, so it was actually slightly bigger. Hahaha. I KNOW you'd have loved this! :D:D It's like Whopper Pizza. Hee. :D I take like half an hour to finish one slice. Hahaha.

My busiest, craziest, craziest time is over. I've had so little sleep the past few days. Colossal paper on Thursday; Shakespeare exam on Thursday; Victorian exam today morning...

Remember I whined about the Shakespeare exam making us write too much? Well I thought that was bad; until TODAY's exam. Get this right: Today, in two and a half hours, we have to write FOUR essays. Either four essays, or three essays + ten quotations.

Craziness.

Anyway after the exam, I found out that a lot of the students didn't finish all the texts as well--what a relief! I thought I was the only one. Haha. BUT, the difference is, they did read up on the texts.

And this is so astonishing and, I don't know, great to know? The people here (at least the ones I spoke to), they SHARE their essays! Like they email their essays to each other so that they'll learn more. So for example this girl she didn't read Arnold per se, but she still knew enough for the exam because she read the essay that her friend wrote on Arnold; and her friend conversely knew about Ruskin because she had sent her the essay on Ruskin. I mean, How Cool is THAT?

At the risk of making a huge generalization, I want to say having been here for these three months, I feel that this is the kind of study-environment here. Most of the people I've met tend not to 'horde' information (though there ARE a few who do, but they're just a handful, as invariably there will be).

And 'after exam conversations' are different too. Even if you're not one who indulges in after-exam conversations, I'm sure you can relate to those squealings and OMG THAT WAS SO BAD and UGH I'M GONNA FLUNK IT sentiments RIGHT AFTER the exams. As soon as the invigilator says, "Ok, you may go", there's that kinda frantic commotion.

Maybe it's just my program, maybe for others the above scenario is the same; but that's not how it works here. If they discuss the exam, they are frank about it. That means, if they think they wrote a good paper, they will say they wrote a good paper. And when they discuss the content of their papers, they are confident that what they wrote was good, or at least exam-worthy.

Sometimes I feel like that after my exams too, but I'm almost never ever say "I felt good about that exam". I wonder why? Is it because I am afraid that if I say "that was good" but I get a lousy grade back, it'll kinda be "?????" ?

I don't know. It's just different here. The workload might not be light (no!), but it definitely feels better. So strange. 0 oogly boogly . #

Check it out: The WarZone of Essay Writing.

The colossal paper that's been giving me colossal headaches, the GRANDMOTHER OF ALL DISGUSTING PAPERS is DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!

For intimate details, email me. Hahah.

Anyway, my exams started today. Uh. I didn't know we had to write 2 essays??? O_o

Well. We're supposed to identify six out of eight quotations that were taken from the plays, identify the speaker, the dramatic context, and explain its significance thematically and/or stylistically. Then write two more essays. See? All that in two hours? Haha. Needless to say, I couldn't finish.

OH WELLS. There were people who left early though?! Bah.

Not sure how to feel now cuz on one hand I'm super bouncyhappytiggerlydelirious about finishing the COLOSSAL paper, but on the other hand I still have a 9am paper tomorrow. Torn in two extremes!!

Supposed it wouldn't make much sense to you, unless you are/have been a student like me. Muahahaha. :D:D

Ok. SMILES! :D

**OHHH. I just realized the my lovely countdown (SO PRETTY!!) is also extremely smart?! Did you know that it automatically adjusts itself to whatever timezone you're in?! :D Just change your computer clock and refresh this page; you'll see what I mean!

Haha. :D

My whole body is aching like bleagh. Arms ache, back ache, headache. Anyone has after-colossal-papers symptoms like that too? :X *snorts* 0 oogly boogly . #

The SWEETEST surprise EVER. EVER EVER EVER!!!

I'm SO HAPPY NOW. :):):)

Yay!!

See what my brother and sister made for me?!?


*AHHHHHH*!! *Swoons!!* "Created with LOVE!!"

^__________________^ SO HAPPY!!

They surprised me by putting it online where she knows I check religiously everyday! :):) Hee! When the page loaded, and I saw the picture-banner, I thought it was a new quiz she took or something... and then I saw the little caption:


and I was like, MEOW!!! Hahahha. :D

GRINS GRINS GRINS GRINS! :):)

Thank you darlings! I LOVE YOU!!! :):)

MUACKS!!

Hee. Yay! Got new inspiration to write my essay(S)! :) Thank you!!! *HUGS!*

*bounce bounce bounce*

^_____________^

Here's to three of us! Yay! :D Hee.


Can't wait till I see you two again. :):) MUACKS. 0 oogly boogly . #

I feel kinda bah about the Critical Theory essay that I submitted. I mean, I read Foucault and Bhabha really, really thoroughly, in order to grasp what they're saying, so that I can make my case. I just feel shitty when the amount of work I put into the paper doesn't actually come through IN the paper. Like when I write my Canadian essay, or my Romantic essay, or Shakespeare, or whatever, I read the text like super thoroughly, making tonnes of notes, and I end up only using, what, 30% of them? Sometimes I wonder if I'm taking the longer route for my essays. I really think I've nailed exactly what and how it works for me when it comes to essays--but I really wonder if it's the most efficient way.

Bah. I'm so drained from these papers. At this point, exams almost seem like a welcomed relief. I know I'm probably just saying that, but seriously.

Sigh.

To cheer myself up, I decided to take the time to cook dinner. And by 'take my time', I mean, take my time. I took almost an hour--mostly because I was staring blankly into my boiling pasta. I wasn't even excited about it. I looked at the bubbling yellow strands and all I could think of was that I want to go to bed. Bah.

When my appetite suffers, you KNOW I'm probably in a dismal kind of state. It probably means a huge part of me just wants to sit and mope, sink into the bed or sofa and space out.

SIGH. I feel so bad that I'm still owing my Romantic essay and Victorian essays. Two of my favourite classes--and I'm missing my papers for them. BAH. I can't even write them now because I've got the --

Blah. I don't even wanna say it. I really ought to stop feeling so bitter about the course, but I'm still in a state of disbelief that I actually took and am still taking and not done with the course. How can such a thing happen? Seriously.

Oh well. Some happy things happened today, actually, and I honestly wanted to blog about them. I tried to work up the excitement that they deserve, but the heart (or mind?) is weak. Hahahaha.

Okays. I'm gonna take a shower and hit the bed. Maybe I'm lacking sleep. :)

Good night, people~! 0 oogly boogly . #

Nah.



Why?

Be-ca-ause?!


La la la~



Ha ha ha~!


And a lot!!! *Boom!*


And my favourite!



Ok enough.

. . . . . .

. . . bleagh.ughz. . . highlystressedlah, can?! . . . .

*sniffs*

Here: For you deprived people teens+youths who spend-too-much-time-with-books-and-school and who don't know what this is all about, here's a [LINK].

And [THIS] is for LISA and CHARLES!

Hahaha. :D:D

Ok. Essay!!!

[Got a SURPRISE to blog about, but that's a treat for after-my-essay-is-done, ok? So you guys have to wait as well. Muahahaha. *evil laugh*]

[Ok. Enough. *hysterical laughter* hee hee hee. Ok ok OK!!! Enough!! My goodness.]

*ahem*

Growls.

Ugh.

Bleah. 0 oogly boogly . #

Wheeee!! I like my countdown counter!! So pretty and nice!! :D:D

And look what I've got for you guys too!


Fortune cookies!! Hahaha. :D:D They're such a big thing here.

It doesn't show up properly on my page though... cuz the words are black and my background is black. I tried to change the background colour but it doesn't work. Oh well!! Just click somewhere in that box and you'll have a fortune! :D

Nah. Give you, lah. :D Have fun~! 0 oogly boogly . #

It's April, darlings!! That means:

- Exams are here!
- Papers have to be handed in!!

But!

- Don and Grace are back! (YAY!)

Check out the picture! Grace and I made these graham cookies the last time I went, because the church was having a luncheon thing and Grace offered to bring these yummy cookies.

AND!!

- ONE Month from now, I'll see my SWEETIE again!! *happy!!*

ANDDD!

- I'll be home soon!! *muacks!*

I've ran two-thirds of this SEP race, and now I've only got one-third more to go.

I sound like this is such a chore, right? Haha. It's not. It's just that I wish a little of home was with me. I'll have a little of that in a month, though. After all, Home is where the Heart is. *blush* Hee. :D Yay! :)

Gonna try to get started on my Critical Theory paper, due on MONDAY. Gah.

[No time to mope. Will mope another time. Hahaha. :D] 0 oogly boogly . #

I remember when I was young(er), my teacher used to make us keep a book of 'useful phrases' for compositions. That is assuming you read voraciously and is acutely aware of unique expressions.

The problem with these useful, neat little phrases is that often, they're pulled out from books written by 'Westerners', so a lot of things actually are only vaguely comprehensible, or comprehensible as far as your imagination takes you.

Well one of these neat little phrases that sound mildly pompous is, "cobalt sky". Like, first of all, "cobalt" is such a pompous term that only arty-farty people use--you know, the way they throw stuff like 'burnt sienna', 'ochre', 'vermillion', 'ultramarine', 'chrome yellow', 'lemon yellow', 'turquoise', 'mauve', 'crustean blue' around. (Okay, I made the last one up. But there is a blue that starts with "p", I know. Haha.)

[Digression: If you want to know what "cobalt blue" looks like, just go and pick up a small pot of paint in any art shop. Hee.]

As I was saying, I've never figured out why my pot of blue paint is called "cobalt blue" or where the expression the "cobalt sky" came from. I mean, "cobalt" is actually an ELEMENT? Like its

Symbol is actually 'Co' and its
Atomic number: 27 and its
Atomic weight: 58.993 and lo behold it's actually a
Light grey transition element.

Ok never mind. To cut this dumb preamble short, I just want to say that, I've never seen what I felt to be cobalt blue skies until now.

Check out the blue in that picture. It's that blue EVERYDAY now. On extremely clear days, where there's not a cloud in the sky, you can spot planes in the air. If you're lucky, they'll leave white trails behind as they fly.

What can I say?

B-E-A-utiful. That's what.

I've never seen blue like that before. Know that song?

I love spring. :) 0 oogly boogly . #

So I think Spring has officially arrived. The temperature has been positive for a few days, but you never know with Canada's erratic weather.

When I was walking to school yesterday I saw bunches of crocuses sprouting up from the ground. These flowers are usually planted in winter and when they bloom, it's a sign of spring.

I saw them outside my lecture hall, and I just stopped and marvelled at these hardy little blooms. I've been here for three months, I thought to myself, and am now seeing the change of season. Wow.

It's pretty surreal. One day you realize it's green everywhere now, and all the white has gone, and you wonder, where to?

Anyway... this picture is a picture of my pot of crocus. Given to me when I went to Grace's church (which I have yet to blog about!). It was actually only for the choir members, but this guy saw that I was looking at them, and he gave his to me, saying I'll probably take better care of them than he would. Haha.

Mine bloomed before spring though, cuz I left them in my room.

Sigh. I feel so uninspired for my Canadian essay. Sucks.

Think it's probably because it's the last week of school. I really don't feel like doing anything. I cannot believe I still have 6 sucking essays to write. Blah.

But my favourite professors have been most, most, most gracious. They have offered to extend my deadlines. I feel a little less constricted now, knowing I have a little breather. But postponing it = procrastinating = hovering cloud during exams = no complete release after exams.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S END OF TERM ALREADY?!?!?!?!?! I don't know how is it that it felt like the longest and the shortest time at the same time.

I will write the Canadian essay today. Growl.

Whatever LAH. *puking face* Grossness~!

Haha. :D 0 oogly boogly . #

Oh!!! And I must also say, I finished the response papers for The Tempest (ENGL 363, due Tuesday), Cause Celeb (ENGL 322, due Thursday), AND the mini presentation for Bonnie Burnard (ENGL 318, due tomorrow).

YES! YES! YES! Even though they're so tiny pieces of work, I feel SO happy!

Tomorrow I will plan my Canadian essay hopefully, OR write the Victorian essay. I will also research/plan the (blah) Postcolonial essay. Photocopy readings. Look through secondary sources for Romantic essay. Read some Foucault OR do a detailed draft for Victorian essay.

I CAN DO THIS. I know I can, because I'm not alone. :)

0 oogly boogly . #

Yeah, all of a sudden, overnight, Literally, the love starts coming in. After all my whining and bemoaning are done. Haha.

I feel better today. Finally talked to my darling.mr.boyfriend. The time difference is just so damaging; finally we had a little proper time for each other. For that little while. :)

And also, finally my sister and brother replied online. Yay. :):) I wanna talk to them more more more! :(

And suddenly everyone replied my emails. Fish, Ling, Moose, and even *gasp!* Don and Grace sent me an email!!! They are on a cruise and it's SO HARD to get internet? I can't wait to visit them again. :D

It's like suddenly, everyone 'arrived'. Haha. Even my PMS went away, cuz the M arrived, too.

That's the way, people. Keep the lurve coming in.

That's I feel now, the picture: Can't. Get. Enough. ^__^ yay!


I think one thing that I pray I'll always remember is that, for those who are overseas, no attention is too much. I pray that I'll always remember this so that I will give attention to whoever will be overseas in future, because seriously, it can get so, so, so... quiet.

I miss you, momma, papa. And Charlesy boy, and Lisa girlie. And Q.

*hugs* 0 oogly boogly . #

I'm ok. I think the clouds have gone, and it's slowly getting sunny again.

:)

Hee.

I guess I must just have faith that I'm not the only one in charge here, if at all. :):)

*hugs to all at home!*

Oh, I have also decided to do this a picture a day thing. Haha. Well. Maybe not a picture a DAY, but per entry.

Keeps me happy. And gives me something to smile about. So.

Here's the start of a Picture a Day Keeps the Blues Away! ;)


PS: I don't know how to put captions for the photos?? Can someone tell me how?? :( 1 oogly boogly . #

is that I'm always excited about going away. Leaving home. The prospect of going away from The Family is always thrilling.

Yah, At First.

I've come to realize that the thing with me is that, I'm seldom sad to go. When I reach wherever, I seldom miss home/get homesick there and then. I've always been quite ashamed and guilty that I DON'T miss home in those first few days or first week.

I'm starting to realize that how I operate is that, my nostalgia just builds, and builds, and builds, and builds. Until at the end of the trip, however long, I am just begging to go home NOW PLEASE!!!

Sometimes I don't realize it too. Only when I actually come into contact with The Family will it all undo me and leave me bawling for home.

There was this once, I went for a 9-day Outward Bound School (OBS) course. It wasn't even out of Singapore--just offshore Singapore. We had absolutely no contact at all with anyone for those nine days, except on the last day. During those nine days, I had a blast. I had so much fun with my watch (i.e. group). I even felt good to be 'away from all that' and like, this is so rustic and nice and blah blah blah.

BUT! That was so naive of me. Hur hur. On the last day, the MOMENT I called my family and heard my momma's voice, I started bawling right there in the middle of the canteen.

And all my momma said was, "How are you, baby? Are you good? Everything ok?"

"Hi mommy..!! I'm ok.. I'm (*sniffles, sniffles*), mommy... (*bursts into tears*)--"

Hurrrr. Right there and then I wanted the crummy little boat to take me back immediately!!

Haha. Yah. So I think that's how it is with me. I could go on and on, but the MOST IMPORTANT point that I'm trying to make here is,

that,

I MISS MY FAMILY AND EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE!!! *bawls*

Sigh. It's almost the end of March. Soon it'll be almost three full months since I last hugged my momma, my papa, my lil' silly sis, and my act-tough lil' brother.

Do you know how much accumulation of 'missing them' there is in THREE MONTHS??? :(

When my family and grandparents and uncle's family and Mr.Darling came to see me off, all the *ahem* grown-ups thought I'd definitely cry at the departure gate, being the emotional crybaby that I am.

But I didn't. I was quite surprised myself, actually. Now that the truth about how I operate is out, (!)

I think I will cry when I land in Singapore.

Hahaa. I'm quite sure. Hahaha.

I think going away from your family and people you love are hard enough. Now, when I am facing such an enormous amount of work, their absence is so much more pronounced.

I miss the noise my momma makes in the kitchen that lets me know she's around. I miss hugging her in her soft sweater and sleepwear and bidding her good night.

I miss the coming-in and going-out of my sis and bro as we mug together in the study room, even though it's so disruptive sometimes (haha).

I miss the all-nighters the three of us will pull together, looking forward to a midnight party feast to keep us going, and then settling down again to face the books. I miss teasing my brother with my sister that he always concuss halfway.

I miss working until midnight and knowing that my papa will be coming home; I miss listening out for his key in the door, the quiet rattling of the lock. I miss the midnight snacks he'll sometimes bring home.

I miss the sniffs my papa will give me when he comes back. I miss my momma's hugs. I miss their smiles.

Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

Cannot. Must. Stop.

Hurrr. Sobs.

Canada is fun. It's quiet where I am. The pace is relaxed and leisurely, compared to Singapore, where you'll feel breathless just looking at people. I like the independence I have, and the new stuff I constantly see everyday. The wintry air turning spring, the plump squirrels scurrying around and around, the academic atmosphere...

But I miss home.

Home.

Savour that. Like warm semi-sweet chocolate in your mouth.

*sniffs*


With Don and Grace gone, too, it's that little bit harder.


I can't wait for Q to be here. :) 0 oogly boogly . #

I have so many %$@&^%$&%$-ing things to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


stay calm. stay calm.

stay calm. stay calm. stay calm.

stay calm. stay calm. stay calm. stay calm.


It's beginning to read like, 'say clam', isn't it.


ARGHHHHHHHHHHH. Grossness! Where got people have 6 papers to write, plus 2 response papers, in TWO WEEKS?!?!?!??!?!?!? WHERE GOT!? WHERE GOT?!?!?!

Bah. Bah. Bah!!!

Sobs. 0 oogly boogly . #

I'm still around. And this blog is still alive. It's just that I have no inspiration to blog. No mood. I go to school and see beautiful snapshots in my head, and is mildly sad that I don't have my camera with me.

Maybe it's the workload finally taking a toll on me. Been feeling sad, sorry, and blah, and trying to ignore it. Sigh.

It'll probably be better once the term is over and exams are pending.


Sucks. I really hate that stupid class. 0 oogly boogly . #

So much is happening back home. I just wish I were there for my family, my cousins, my aunties and uncles. Seems almost egocentric, isn't it? But I want to be there for them, if only to let them know they're not alone.

I never knew how much could happen in just a mere, what, three months?

So it's beginning to ring true--how your 'old' world seems to be going through the whole four seasons whilst you're away.

Don't change too much, too fast, darlings back home. Wait for me. I'm coming home soon.

Today, I feel tiny. Small and vulnerable. A little squeaky voice protesting, please!

Living on a shoestring. Scrooging and saving. Kicking myself for that thoughtless splurge. Then swiftly swivelling back to comforting myself, that the scrooging all week balances out the splurge.

I could live on cereals the whole semester, if milk wasn't so expensive. Haha.

Here's a tip for everyone who's down, or blue, or just feel like, . . . <--that. Play some chinese songs. Most are extra sentimental and add just that tad more melancholy.

Have some instant noodles to feel more sorry for yourself.

Indulge in some neurosis, crying, staring into blank space, not hearing everyone around you.

Then, then, you will start to feel better.

Here's a wry smile for you. :)



**Update:

How apt. My brother just jio-ed* me to play GB*. Yay. I feel loved already. Haha. I miss my brother too. Sobs.


*jio-ed: to "jio" means to ask along, or invite. The '-ed' is for past tense.
*GB = GunBound 0 oogly boogly . #

It's one of those days.

Feeling a bit out of groove, a little out of touch, a little off-balance.

Nothing appeals to me. I'm not even excited about chocolate.

You know--all the ingredients needed to add that touch of melancholy and blueness and blahness to the day.

Sigh.

Go away, blues. It's Saturday.

I need some lurrrve. :(

Sobs.

Everyone just feels so faraway now.

I think this is called: I miss my family.

And I miss him, too.

:( 0 oogly boogly . #

I had coffee with my Victorian Literature professor today. It was a hard-to-come-by coffee, ok! Why? Because it took nearly 3 hours of waiting time!! :S:S

Well. He's so busy. But he is SUCH A NICE GUY!! He's one of my favourites. Hah! :D

Also, I made a new friend in the Victorian class. She's actually in a lot of my other classes, and she really stands out because she's so tiny. Oxymoronic, I know. She has this amazing hair and oh-my-gosh her eyes, too. But I've never dared to befriend her because she exudes that really snobbish air. Just that aloof-too-cool vibe. Plus she has that Vogue-expression on her face. So it's not exactly the most approachable aura she gives.

On Wednesday I finally mustered up the courage to smile at her. (Gee, I sound like a desperate, smitten guy. Hahahah.) And she actually smiled back!! (Oh, yes, definitely sound even more like a poor infatuated guy now. Eeeks!!)

Yeah well, I was telling Mr.Boyfriend that I made a lot of friends by skipping classes. 'Cuz 'hey... were you here last class? Only because I missed it, and I wondered what he covered?' is such a brilliant excuse to strike up a conversation. Hahahahhahahaa. *guffaws*

And it's true! Most of the people I approached are so nice. (Well, obviously you don't go knocking on the wrong doors in the first place, yeah?) They are willing to share notes here and actually fill you in in detail about what went on in the class. Of course it's never as good as if you had actually attended the lesson, but it far surpasses those cursory, oh, yeah, he talked about the relationship between XX and YY in the book, basically.

Like, Oh, ok. What about????

OHhhh, you know, the usual. (Proceeds to give some vague nonsense about, bigass themes like redemption, betrayal, entrapment etc. that really doesn't say anything specific.)

-_-

Really.

Where was I. Oh, yes. So me and my 'new friend' got to chatting a little, and she told me she's not doing so well in this other class we're in, whereas she was doing good in Victorian... etc.

I do feel good that we kinda 'broke the ice'. Cuz it's like we know we're in each other's classes, but we've never really went beyond knowing. Haha. So it's good.

Whilst waiting for my professor, too, I met his PhD student, Faith. She has a mild British accent. (Yes, I'm a sucker for British accent cuz it oozes aristocracy. Muahahhaha. Ok. Yes.) And this is the ?? time that someone told me, "Your English is very good."

I don't understand why they say that?

Plus. I'm from SINGAPORE. S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E, people. Not China!!! Ugh.

Anyway, Faith and I hit off really well too! She just became a grandmother, and she showed me her little baby grand-daughter's pictures as well. LOVELY!! This year is actually her 40th anniversary too?? Like WHAT A COINCIDENCE. This year is also Don's and Grace's 40th year??

@_@

Oh, she's actually marking papers for another Shakespeare class too. And she gave me some pointers about my way-overdue Victorian essay.

Isn't it so cool to have coffee and a little chit-chat with your professors and people like Faith? :D

At the end, we exchanged emails. (Emails are really big here, I gather.) So I think I've got another friend. Yay. :D

LASTLY, I forgot to say. I bought the wrong muffin today. I wanted raisin bran, but I took carrot spice instead. I mean, Carrots and SPICE? Erm.

Just not my cuppa tea. :X

It's not as awful as it sounds. Just that, um, I'm not at THAT level yet. I've only recently upgraded to Raisin Bran. Haha. :D:D

Okie. I saw a fabulous magazine that is THE magazine for my sister, I think. Will get it soon!!! Hahahaha. Not gonna tell you what it is about though. It's a little surprise!! Nahaha. And feelin girlie, I also bought a girlie magazine for myself. Yay!

I'm lovin' my Fridays. Hee.

Alright. Gonna snuggle up with some frivolous reading. :D Tata!! 0 oogly boogly . #

Ahhhhh! Right now I'm trying, TRYING, to do my Shakespeare essay... and I'm listening to this song and I just want to cry!!!

BOOHOOO!!! Sobs!!!

Here!! I couldn't help it--I HAD to look for the lyrics!! :(

*

It's been two days and I'm missin' you already
Never really thought you could mean
So much in such a little time

Think about the nights when I'm lyin' in your bed
With my chest resting your head
Now that you're gone I'm here to stay

Chorus:
I think I'm fallin' down. Down! Down! Down!
With a bad case of love. Love! Love! Love!
I think I'm falling for you. You! You! You!
I think, I'm falling in love!

When you're I'm back all I wanna do is hold you
Have a blast even though there's nothing to do
Hold you close and look you in the eyes

So just come back and I'll tell you how I feel
Never knew how easy you could steal
My heart I miss you come home fly here soon

(Chorus)

I think, I'm fallin' in love
I think, I'm fallin' in love

Bridge:
Cause I know that you won't be home when I call you
You're in England Canada now, I hope that you'll be home soon
Cause I know that you won't be there when I call you, NOW
[Hahahaha. This is so funny. Too much like our Skype-sessions. Hahaha.]

(Chorus)

I think, I'm fallin' in love
(slow) I think, I'm fallin' in love

*

"Come Home Soon" by PUG JELLY!

*

When I was staying on-campus in NUS, I only went back during the weekends. And one day, my sister (a total music junkie!!) sent me this song, telling me I HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT because it's what she wants to tell me.

Every Sunday when I go back to my little room in Prince George's Park Residence (PGP), she says that's the song that's playing in her head. Or somewhere during the week, when she misses me, that's the song she plays on her computer.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! NOW I'm so faraway, no weekends to even countdown to... This song just reminds of her and makes me miss her so much!

Then I think about it, it also reminds me of Mr.Boyfriend! See, I even crossed out "come home" to "fly here" soon. Hahaha. Because my lil sister can't fly here, even though she wants to, so that's for Mr.Boyfriend. :D

Haiiiiii.

Sending mama, papa, xiaomei, and charlesy-boy loads of hugs!! XOXOXOXOXOX!! :):)

And a *muacks* for the boyfriend, too. Hee. :D 0 oogly boogly . #

Yesterday it was just like spring had arrived at our door.

Today, though, the weather is absolutely crazy. The wind is going mad at 41km/h. UGH! But the snow is back. Ok. Well.

Um.

I'll try to appreciate it more. Haha.

Anyway. The point of this entry is to complain.

I MISSED MY FIRST WEDDING BANQUET!! SOBSSSSSSSS!!!

My sister gleefully told me that they, that is, the WHOLE big family, went for my uncle's wedding last weekend. When I heard it, I was so shocked! I mean, I didn't even know he was dating?!?!?! And suddenly he's married?!?!

0_0!!

Yeah.. so they all went for the wedding banquet... without me!!! HOW CAN!!! Sobs!! I was so looking forward to attending my first ever wedding banquet, as in like, of people I know, and in this case it's even better because it's a family affair. And I totally missed it!!

Let me tell you why family wedding banquets are important to me, ok. Here's the lowdown!!

I'm the ELDEST both for the maternal and paternal sides of my family. And both my parents are the eldest of their family--that makes me the ELDEST of the ELDEST. The next in line would be my sister and my cousin (they're the same age).

NEXT!! All my aunties and uncles are married with kids already. So I've carried all their babies and they're all now growing up. That's thirteen of them.

Technically, I still have three single uncles left. Because of some generation thing, I've grown up with the impression that they are like my elder cousins, instead of my uncles, because our ages are quite close. In fact, the youngest of them has only recently graduated from Nanyang Technological University (NTU)!

SO. DO YOU GET IT?? The only ones left to 'get married' before me are my three young uncles. ONLY THREE!! Unless my sister gets hitched and gets married before me, that's only three family weddings before my own!

I DON'T WANT!!!!! I was so looking forward to these weddings, occasionally hounding my momma about whether my 'uncles'/cousins are dating yet. Hahaha. And now, see! Finally after such a long wait, one of them gets hitched and married, and I can't witness it.

BOOHOO! :(:(

It would have been so fun to attend the banquet together with all the other kids! It's like a big family affair thing. And I'm really, really into my big family thing. I mean we're all so close, it would've been like a fun gathering of sorts, plus all that celebratory happiness and ughhhhhh!!

I've always been quite envious when I see my parents or grandparents getting invitations to go for their friends', colleagues', or whoever's wedding. Ok, maybe I'm just young and frivolous, and yah I forgot also about the angbao-element, but I just think it's so cool. I've always wondered, sigh! How come I cannot go?

And now I finally can, like I'm finally 'of age' and 'of relevance' (haha), and I didn't.

Oh well.

I know I was missed, though! Haha! My san-yi actually lamented to my momma that, oh man! Why isn't Kai-ning/Bao-bei here!! What a pity!

Haha. Yay! :D

Oh yes. I also heard from my momma and sister that having witnessed this wedding, and watched my uncle's wedding video, my evil cousins are plotting and coming up with evil schemes for MY marriage. They range from 'accelerating the prospects of me getting married', to the actual ceremon(ies), and the various evil stuff they're going to do to my guy.

I also gathered that it kinda helps that they now have an actual person, a REAL target, to keep in mind whilst they are plotting.

HA HA HA. You little evil imps!! You're reading this, right?! Nahahahhaa. You won't get to zhen3* me lorrrr. Nahahahaha. You think I won't *AHEM* assert my authority in my puffy-gala-pompom wedding dress?? No, don't be mistaken. A puffy-gala-wedding-dress won't make me demure hor. *wink*

Hahahahaha. :D

Ok. Enough. Hahaha.

Congratulations to my uncle/cousin, Zhiqiang jiu-jiu!! May you and your lovely bride have a blissful and wonderful marriage!

祝你们有个幸福美满的婚姻！早生贵子，白头偕老！


*zhen (3):
Means something like, to sabotage, mess up, make life miserable or difficult for someone. It may refer to harmless fun/mischief, or it may be malicious. 1 oogly boogly . #

Oh. And I HAVE to blog about this. I had the most horrific and traumatic night yesterday. My worst, WORST nightmare just forced its way into this wintry reality. What is the absolute worst nightmare that can happen??

Run outta food? Zehrs' just bus ride away.
Too cold in your room? Heating down?? Just bundle into a furball.
Bad hair day? Please, wear a toque!
Feel fat? Just cover up the mirror.
Outta money? HOW CAN YOU RUN OUT OF MONEY ON EXCHANGE?!?!?! BAD PLANNING! BAD BUDGETTING! NO DISCIPLINE! Serves you right!! (Stop. Stop. Stop. That's the result of too much anxiety that I'd be in that position.. but. Ok. Stop. OK BABE SHUT UP ALREADY. Hahaha.)

Ok, ok. Seriously. This is the absolute worst.

My laptop died.

DIED! Switched off! Blank screen! Blue screen! "Disk Failure. Hit any key when ready."!! Kaput! Non! Ke belakang pusing!

Oops. Return of the NPCC-repressed training. MuaHahahaha. Sorry. Um. Yes.

SO my computer died. LIKE OMG!!! My first thought was, OMG please, you really, really can't do this to me, my darling lappie!! Please!! And then it was: I'm SO cut off from the world now. I can't talk to Mr. Boyfriend or my family! HOW, HOW, HOW!!

What happened was: I was talking to my sister, when suddenly my laptop starting making this horrrrrrid sound, like something was stuck in the fan. I switched it off, and the next thing I know, it absolutely refused to start.

I tried to take it apart (hahaha) but I only managed to open up the keyboard area. Was too scared I might rip the keyboard out so I didn't pull too hard. (Yeah, right. Those who know me know what is my 'pull too hard'. Hahaha.) Managed to see the fan area and it's pretty clear, except for little dust bunnies. Blew it a little and snapped the keyboard back into place.

Tried to reboot again. And that sound came back. I was so traumatized! It sounded like my lappie might just spontaneously explode and combust ALA cartoon-style.

It's the weekend, so my unit is deserted except for me. I ran to look for my floor manager to get a screwdriver. He wasn't in his room!!

I found him in the common room watching "The Mummy" and I completely sounded like a distraught-damsel-in-distress-OMG-please-resuscitate-my-laptop-please!!

Haha. I'm telling you. It's totally absurd. My lappie has as much PMSy angst as me, ok. Like when Prateek (my floor manager) came to my room to take a look, this *AHEM* lappie of mine booted up JUST FINE. No funky noise, no blank screen, nothing. I even got to log in!!!

Can you believe it!!

It absolutely felt like a Plath moment. -_- ||

Haha.

Well. As soon as Prateek left, though, it promptly died on me again. Like. WTH!!! I showered it with XOXOXOXOXOXOX and it just refused to reciprocate my love.

UGH. I went hunting for Prateek again and was so embarrassed that I keep interrupting his show.

Eventually, my lappie decided to honour me with an acknowledgement of its alive-status by giving me a blue screen that said "Begin dumping of physical memory".

OMG LIKE WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?! What are you "dumping"?!? And what the hell is "physical memory"???

Um. Yes. Computer illiteracy is embarrassing like that. ;)

Haha. Anyway I decided to migrate my lappie-resuscitation project into the common room where Prateek's good-natured charming vibe might rub off my PMSy laptop. But no. My princessy laptop just continued to throw its ballistic tantrums.

While "The Mummy" was regenerating itself and going nuts with the beetles and sand and whatnot, I was willing my laptop to PLEASE don't do this to me. Hahaha. It was a Matilda moment, know??

Yeah, it took me for a little ride when it sputtered for a moment, even let me log in, and whilst I was transferring the files to back it up, it promptly winked at me and collapsed back into oblivion.

Finally, finally, finally. I've never been more happy to hear the awful startup ting-ting-ting-ting sound of Microsoft Windows. YAY!!! I very gingerly plugged in the USB port and transferred the files ONE-BY-ONE. So afraid was I that my lappie will complain I'm making her work too hard!

Haha. Yes. Traumatic. Seriously!!

*Kisses my laptop* MWA MWA!!

My darling laptop is princessy, diva-ish, erratic, pouty, but it is my absolute precious. *mwa mwa!!* Thank you for coming back to me. *mwa mwa!!*

Hahaha. Ok. Thank God. Yay.

*Hahh....* Sigh of relief. :):) 0 oogly boogly . #

is a colossal novel of George Eliot. Apparently a must-read for all Victorian literature scholars.

ANYWAY.

It's MIDDLE OF MARCH!!! AND SPRING IS (almost) HERE!!

It's like suddenly, overnight, the snow is all gone and the sun is shining and suddenly you see grass and pavements everywhere.

:(

It's kinda sad. IT'S ALWAYS LIKE THAT ISN'T IT!!! Always missing something when it's gone--and complaining/not appreciating it whilst it's here.

Sigh.

An Ode to Snow!!

Yeah. When I'm feeling more poetic. :P 0 oogly boogly . #

When I made the decision to go for this Student Exchange Programme (SEP), I had a lot of Grand Plans for myself and how this SEP thing would totally change my life and how I'd step back in Changi Airport a BrandNewMe.

One of my Grand Plans was to get in touch with myself again. I found that I have a lot of these expensive tendencies--to get in touch with myself. Be by myself. Get some independence. You know, all that stuff.

In high school (or junior high, in Canadian terms), I was very excited to move into the Nanyang Boarding House (it's really just a hostel; but my school is pompous with names like that. Haha.). It was my first taste of being away from my parents.

In university, I was extremely inclined to stay on campus. It's not so much for the socializing and partying, but more for myself.

This is actually the first time I'm away from my family for 5 full months. When I stayed in the boarding house and on campus in NUS, I always still see them on the weekends.

It's always been a secret wish of mine to move out and get my own apartment. I've always dreamed of growing up, packing my life up, and moving out on my own, for a few bachelorette years, before I meet the One, and settle down, and get married and have to live with The Family for the rest of my life. I always feel that such a move would help me shape and find who I am, who I want to be.

I still think so, actually. It's not that my famiily restricts me--no, nothing's further from the truth. But it's just that the solitude would allow yourself to HEAR yourself more. Everything you do is for yourself--all your choices: what to eat, what to wear, when to do laundry, what kind of detergent to use, fabric softener or not, air freshener or not...

It's a little like playing Lets-Pretend: you can try on and ditch as many different personas as you want when you're alone. And finding one that FITS you, the way you want.

I still stand by all that because I feel that, the first move into the Nanyang Boarding House really made some lasting ripples in my lifestyle. For one, I was introduced to jazz, new age, and opera music. It's a radical departure from the teensy, angsty pop songs I would have subjected myself to.

Also, I found a new way to negotiate my wardrobe. It made me realize what kind of clothes are more ME. This is of course more pronounced in university, where you finally shelve those uniforms for good. I found a style that I like and I stick to. Moving away from my family into a little room for myself helped me to better anchor who I am, and this in turn gave me fresh ways to come back even closer into the midst of my family again.

Now, again, I found that one of the motivations for SEP is this need to be alone. In my more rational moments, I think it an expensive indulgence. But I always feel that I have so much more to offer the people around me, especially my family and loved ones, when I come back from such 'escapades'.

Oh, what was I saying. Oh, wow, what a long digression. Haha. OK, let's get back to my Grand Plan. Hahahah.

So I wanted to 'be with myself'--in a way. When I applied for accomodation, I was constantly swinging between wanting a roommate and not wanting a roommate. I finally decided to go for 'wanting a roommate' simply because, I could do with some girlie company, and we could have some girlie fun.

Well, I got what I wanted when I say I want to 'move out'. I got a double-room that I have completely to myself--no roommate. Even as I enjoy my solitude and independence, and the smell of my new air-freshener, I do miss the smell of the sun, the smell of home.

I was envisioning a new wardrobe-style too, again. Haha. Like, experimentation with makeup, was one of those stuff. I packed mascara because I had ambitiously thought to go for a smoky-eyed-chick look--another latent desire: I've always LOVED the smoky-eye look. But seriously I can't pull it off, lah, cuz there's not much to smoky-eye about with my single eyelids. Haha. Oh and there's the new clothes--like, maybe try something I don't usually go for... etc.

Besides that envisioned wardrobe-overhaul, as I call it, another GRAND PLAN is to get a major body-overhaul. This one is more serious than the wardrobe-fling. I had serious plans to go to the gym and work out everyday, and I was on the verge of signing myself up for Pilates too, and I would have, if they had not been so painful for my pocket. Like I had plans to work out religiously, twice a week, run some miles and miles, and finally I want to arrive at the land of Flat Tummy and Toned Thighs.

Also, I had instore for myself a religious-overhaul. I was serious about setting myself down to finding out for about this relationship with God and imagined that I'd come back totally, transformed.

More importantly, one of the things I MOST looked forward to on this SEP is sitting in a majestic library perusing those ancient books of literature. I wanted to be surrounded by the dignified silence of knowledge and books, hear the rustling of pages of fellow readers, and perhaps the quiet footsteps of the librarians. I imagined finally being a serious student of literature: thinking meaningfully about the books and the issues they raise, turning these over carefully in my head.

Well. It's March, and my final verdict for myself is: So Much For Idle Fantasies and Idyllic Ideals.

First, the wardrobe-overhaul is really out of the question and completely irrelevant now because 1. I cover everything I wear with my jumbo purple coat anyway and 2. everything here is Made In China and 3. nothing here inspires me to try anything new, wardrobe-wise.

Second, the Lose-Weight-Tone-Up Grand Plan? It has ALWAYS failed. Hahahah. And I really cannot haul myself up to bundle up and walk to the gym in this bloodycoldweather whatwiththe WIND.... Blah. Really. But I know I'd be so satisfied after a good run. It feels good to get all that toxin out.

Reading this made me feel better too!

"Before you take my cue and try some similar diet, I guess I should mention that even with my gym workouts and 150 sit-ups a day, I don't feel any different. I don't think I've lost much weight. This is gonna take some time. But I have WILLPOWER of STEEL, and with God as my witness I will plough my way through fire and high waters to the promised land of Flat Tummy and Toned Thighs."

-taken from the blog of law student currently in Uni of Bristol, England.

THIRD, the library fantasy. In a nutshell that just plummeted into the pits because why? There is no 'majestic', 'castle-looking' library here. My mistake--should have gone to England for that. Haha. There is actually a campus that has stone buildings--that is the University of Western Ontario, but that's in London, Ontario.

Consolation is: the library here is just as fantastic, looks aside. The main library here has TEN levels. It's quiet. Students don't hog books. They don't talk in the library. And the most orgasmic feature of the library is this!!

There is no limit to the number of books you can borrow

AND!

There is no limit to the number of renewals you want to make

AND!!

You can place a 'Recall' for a book that's borrowed out and a 'Hold' for a book that's still in the library, to make sure it's there when you go.

I love it!!! Hahaha.

Where was I. Oh, yeah, my Extreme Makeover Grand Plan(s).

Gone with the hogs, really. :D

Come to think of it, it's not all that big a matter. I've got new body wash and body lotions to pamper myself with. Plus I went shopping yesterday and got a brand new outfit that I'm going to wear when I pick my darling up in April.

Speaking of which, I must say that all my Grand Plans were made in view of my singlehood.

Who'd have thought I'd fall in love, and fall so hard? *BIG SMILE* Haha.

April! That's next month!!!

GASP!

I'm so excited!! Hahah. About him coming AND about picking him up in my brand new outfit. YAYYYY! :D:D

Oh I forgot--another 'overhaul' I wanted was to get some long, luscious locks. Volume, baby, plus length. That went out the window, obviously, when I succumbed to getting myself a Canadian Haircut. Hahah. :D:D

When I'm in good moods like that, I tell myself that with all the fabulous food Don and Grace spoil me with, Abs and Toned Thighs can wait. Hahahaha.

Ok. What a bloody long entry ramble. Hahah. I got MOST carried away. But I know you loved it! So! *grins!!*

Later~~~, dudes! 0 oogly boogly . #

It's a lazy weekend. Lazy because I'm lazy, not because there's nothing to do. Haha.

Anyway, I was blog-hopping and chanced upon this blog (the feel-good kind that I like to read when I'm in a frivolous mood), and she directed her readers to this radio programme.

The radio programme is from Minneapolis apparently a long time ago. The segment is called "Love me, Love me not" and basically callers can call in and get the host to call their partner and do a kind of, spotcheck/fidelity test on them. Reminds me a lot of something they had/have on Perfect 10 98.7 FM in Singapore, actually. Like when they spring a surprise on the person.

So what happened in this segment is this woman called in. The host, Andy Savage, chats with her a bit. He finds out that she and her boyfriend are very much in love and he has given her absolutely no reason to suspect he's cheating on her. "Oh, then it's going to be boring... but we'll humour you, ok?" he actually said.

He calls her boyfriend, Greg, up and tells him they've picked his namecard out of a fish bowl and he's won a dozen roses to send to whoever he wants. Just give us a name and address and we'll do the sending.

Sounds good, eh?

But here's the catch. Or the twist to this story. Like, really, it was like, "Oh MAN....!! Oh my gosh...!!". Haha.

Nah, here. Click THIS to listen to what Greg says. ;) 0 oogly boogly . #

Soooooo. Wanna do this for me?? Haha. :D

Here's what this is all about first:

(taken from Wikipedia)

A Johari window is a metaphorical tool intended to help people better understand their interpersonal communication and relationships. It is used primarily in self-help groups and corporate settings as a heuristic exercise.

Terms selected only by the participant, but not by any of their peers, are placed into the Façade quadrant, representing information about the participant of which their peers are unaware. It is then up to the participant whether or not to disclose this information.

Terms that are not selected by the participant but only by their peers are placed into the Blind Spot quadrant. These represent information of which the participant is not aware, but others are, and they can decide whether and how to inform the individual about these "blind spots".

Terms which were not selected by either the participant or their peers remain in the Unknown quadrant, representing the participant's behaviors or motives which were not recognized by anyone participating. This may be because they do not apply, or because there is collective ignorance of the existence of that trait.

Basically it opens a window with some words that you can click and choose to describe the person.

Go on! It sounds more complicated than it really is. Give it a whirl for me! :D

Click here: http://kevan.org/johari?name=canadiancat to try! :D 0 oogly boogly . #