I remember when I was young(er), my teacher used to make us keep a book of 'useful phrases' for compositions. That is assuming you read voraciously and is acutely aware of unique expressions.

The problem with these useful, neat little phrases is that often, they're pulled out from books written by 'Westerners', so a lot of things actually are only vaguely comprehensible, or comprehensible as far as your imagination takes you.

Well one of these neat little phrases that sound mildly pompous is, "cobalt sky". Like, first of all, "cobalt" is such a pompous term that only arty-farty people use--you know, the way they throw stuff like 'burnt sienna', 'ochre', 'vermillion', 'ultramarine', 'chrome yellow', 'lemon yellow', 'turquoise', 'mauve', 'crustean blue' around. (Okay, I made the last one up. But there is a blue that starts with "p", I know. Haha.)

[Digression: If you want to know what "cobalt blue" looks like, just go and pick up a small pot of paint in any art shop. Hee.]

As I was saying, I've never figured out why my pot of blue paint is called "cobalt blue" or where the expression the "cobalt sky" came from. I mean, "cobalt" is actually an ELEMENT? Like its

Symbol is actually 'Co' and its
Atomic number: 27 and its
Atomic weight: 58.993 and lo behold it's actually a
Light grey transition element.

Ok never mind. To cut this dumb preamble short, I just want to say that, I've never seen what I felt to be cobalt blue skies until now.

Check out the blue in that picture. It's that blue EVERYDAY now. On extremely clear days, where there's not a cloud in the sky, you can spot planes in the air. If you're lucky, they'll leave white trails behind as they fly.

What can I say?

B-E-A-utiful. That's what.

I've never seen blue like that before. Know that song?

I love spring. :) 0 oogly boogly . #

So I think Spring has officially arrived. The temperature has been positive for a few days, but you never know with Canada's erratic weather.

When I was walking to school yesterday I saw bunches of crocuses sprouting up from the ground. These flowers are usually planted in winter and when they bloom, it's a sign of spring.

I saw them outside my lecture hall, and I just stopped and marvelled at these hardy little blooms. I've been here for three months, I thought to myself, and am now seeing the change of season. Wow.

It's pretty surreal. One day you realize it's green everywhere now, and all the white has gone, and you wonder, where to?

Anyway... this picture is a picture of my pot of crocus. Given to me when I went to Grace's church (which I have yet to blog about!). It was actually only for the choir members, but this guy saw that I was looking at them, and he gave his to me, saying I'll probably take better care of them than he would. Haha.

Mine bloomed before spring though, cuz I left them in my room.

Sigh. I feel so uninspired for my Canadian essay. Sucks.

Think it's probably because it's the last week of school. I really don't feel like doing anything. I cannot believe I still have 6 sucking essays to write. Blah.

But my favourite professors have been most, most, most gracious. They have offered to extend my deadlines. I feel a little less constricted now, knowing I have a little breather. But postponing it = procrastinating = hovering cloud during exams = no complete release after exams.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S END OF TERM ALREADY?!?!?!?!?! I don't know how is it that it felt like the longest and the shortest time at the same time.

I will write the Canadian essay today. Growl.

Whatever LAH. *puking face* Grossness~!

Haha. :D 0 oogly boogly . #

Oh!!! And I must also say, I finished the response papers for The Tempest (ENGL 363, due Tuesday), Cause Celeb (ENGL 322, due Thursday), AND the mini presentation for Bonnie Burnard (ENGL 318, due tomorrow).

YES! YES! YES! Even though they're so tiny pieces of work, I feel SO happy!

Tomorrow I will plan my Canadian essay hopefully, OR write the Victorian essay. I will also research/plan the (blah) Postcolonial essay. Photocopy readings. Look through secondary sources for Romantic essay. Read some Foucault OR do a detailed draft for Victorian essay.

I CAN DO THIS. I know I can, because I'm not alone. :)

0 oogly boogly . #

Yeah, all of a sudden, overnight, Literally, the love starts coming in. After all my whining and bemoaning are done. Haha.

I feel better today. Finally talked to my darling.mr.boyfriend. The time difference is just so damaging; finally we had a little proper time for each other. For that little while. :)

And also, finally my sister and brother replied online. Yay. :):) I wanna talk to them more more more! :(

And suddenly everyone replied my emails. Fish, Ling, Moose, and even *gasp!* Don and Grace sent me an email!!! They are on a cruise and it's SO HARD to get internet? I can't wait to visit them again. :D

It's like suddenly, everyone 'arrived'. Haha. Even my PMS went away, cuz the M arrived, too.

That's the way, people. Keep the lurve coming in.

That's I feel now, the picture: Can't. Get. Enough. ^__^ yay!


I think one thing that I pray I'll always remember is that, for those who are overseas, no attention is too much. I pray that I'll always remember this so that I will give attention to whoever will be overseas in future, because seriously, it can get so, so, so... quiet.

I miss you, momma, papa. And Charlesy boy, and Lisa girlie. And Q.

*hugs* 0 oogly boogly . #

I'm ok. I think the clouds have gone, and it's slowly getting sunny again.

:)

Hee.

I guess I must just have faith that I'm not the only one in charge here, if at all. :):)

*hugs to all at home!*

Oh, I have also decided to do this a picture a day thing. Haha. Well. Maybe not a picture a DAY, but per entry.

Keeps me happy. And gives me something to smile about. So.

Here's the start of a Picture a Day Keeps the Blues Away! ;)


PS: I don't know how to put captions for the photos?? Can someone tell me how?? :( 1 oogly boogly . #

is that I'm always excited about going away. Leaving home. The prospect of going away from The Family is always thrilling.

Yah, At First.

I've come to realize that the thing with me is that, I'm seldom sad to go. When I reach wherever, I seldom miss home/get homesick there and then. I've always been quite ashamed and guilty that I DON'T miss home in those first few days or first week.

I'm starting to realize that how I operate is that, my nostalgia just builds, and builds, and builds, and builds. Until at the end of the trip, however long, I am just begging to go home NOW PLEASE!!!

Sometimes I don't realize it too. Only when I actually come into contact with The Family will it all undo me and leave me bawling for home.

There was this once, I went for a 9-day Outward Bound School (OBS) course. It wasn't even out of Singapore--just offshore Singapore. We had absolutely no contact at all with anyone for those nine days, except on the last day. During those nine days, I had a blast. I had so much fun with my watch (i.e. group). I even felt good to be 'away from all that' and like, this is so rustic and nice and blah blah blah.

BUT! That was so naive of me. Hur hur. On the last day, the MOMENT I called my family and heard my momma's voice, I started bawling right there in the middle of the canteen.

And all my momma said was, "How are you, baby? Are you good? Everything ok?"

"Hi mommy..!! I'm ok.. I'm (*sniffles, sniffles*), mommy... (*bursts into tears*)--"

Hurrrr. Right there and then I wanted the crummy little boat to take me back immediately!!

Haha. Yah. So I think that's how it is with me. I could go on and on, but the MOST IMPORTANT point that I'm trying to make here is,

that,

I MISS MY FAMILY AND EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE!!! *bawls*

Sigh. It's almost the end of March. Soon it'll be almost three full months since I last hugged my momma, my papa, my lil' silly sis, and my act-tough lil' brother.

Do you know how much accumulation of 'missing them' there is in THREE MONTHS??? :(

When my family and grandparents and uncle's family and Mr.Darling came to see me off, all the *ahem* grown-ups thought I'd definitely cry at the departure gate, being the emotional crybaby that I am.

But I didn't. I was quite surprised myself, actually. Now that the truth about how I operate is out, (!)

I think I will cry when I land in Singapore.

Hahaa. I'm quite sure. Hahaha.

I think going away from your family and people you love are hard enough. Now, when I am facing such an enormous amount of work, their absence is so much more pronounced.

I miss the noise my momma makes in the kitchen that lets me know she's around. I miss hugging her in her soft sweater and sleepwear and bidding her good night.

I miss the coming-in and going-out of my sis and bro as we mug together in the study room, even though it's so disruptive sometimes (haha).

I miss the all-nighters the three of us will pull together, looking forward to a midnight party feast to keep us going, and then settling down again to face the books. I miss teasing my brother with my sister that he always concuss halfway.

I miss working until midnight and knowing that my papa will be coming home; I miss listening out for his key in the door, the quiet rattling of the lock. I miss the midnight snacks he'll sometimes bring home.

I miss the sniffs my papa will give me when he comes back. I miss my momma's hugs. I miss their smiles.

Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

Cannot. Must. Stop.

Hurrr. Sobs.

Canada is fun. It's quiet where I am. The pace is relaxed and leisurely, compared to Singapore, where you'll feel breathless just looking at people. I like the independence I have, and the new stuff I constantly see everyday. The wintry air turning spring, the plump squirrels scurrying around and around, the academic atmosphere...

But I miss home.

Home.

Savour that. Like warm semi-sweet chocolate in your mouth.

*sniffs*


With Don and Grace gone, too, it's that little bit harder.


I can't wait for Q to be here. :) 0 oogly boogly . #

I have so many %$@&^%$&%$-ing things to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


stay calm. stay calm.

stay calm. stay calm. stay calm.

stay calm. stay calm. stay calm. stay calm.


It's beginning to read like, 'say clam', isn't it.


ARGHHHHHHHHHHH. Grossness! Where got people have 6 papers to write, plus 2 response papers, in TWO WEEKS?!?!?!??!?!?!? WHERE GOT!? WHERE GOT?!?!?!

Bah. Bah. Bah!!!

Sobs. 0 oogly boogly . #

I'm still around. And this blog is still alive. It's just that I have no inspiration to blog. No mood. I go to school and see beautiful snapshots in my head, and is mildly sad that I don't have my camera with me.

Maybe it's the workload finally taking a toll on me. Been feeling sad, sorry, and blah, and trying to ignore it. Sigh.

It'll probably be better once the term is over and exams are pending.


Sucks. I really hate that stupid class. 0 oogly boogly . #

So much is happening back home. I just wish I were there for my family, my cousins, my aunties and uncles. Seems almost egocentric, isn't it? But I want to be there for them, if only to let them know they're not alone.

I never knew how much could happen in just a mere, what, three months?

So it's beginning to ring true--how your 'old' world seems to be going through the whole four seasons whilst you're away.

Don't change too much, too fast, darlings back home. Wait for me. I'm coming home soon.

Today, I feel tiny. Small and vulnerable. A little squeaky voice protesting, please!

Living on a shoestring. Scrooging and saving. Kicking myself for that thoughtless splurge. Then swiftly swivelling back to comforting myself, that the scrooging all week balances out the splurge.

I could live on cereals the whole semester, if milk wasn't so expensive. Haha.

Here's a tip for everyone who's down, or blue, or just feel like, . . . <--that. Play some chinese songs. Most are extra sentimental and add just that tad more melancholy.

Have some instant noodles to feel more sorry for yourself.

Indulge in some neurosis, crying, staring into blank space, not hearing everyone around you.

Then, then, you will start to feel better.

Here's a wry smile for you. :)



**Update:

How apt. My brother just jio-ed* me to play GB*. Yay. I feel loved already. Haha. I miss my brother too. Sobs.


*jio-ed: to "jio" means to ask along, or invite. The '-ed' is for past tense.
*GB = GunBound 0 oogly boogly . #

It's one of those days.

Feeling a bit out of groove, a little out of touch, a little off-balance.

Nothing appeals to me. I'm not even excited about chocolate.

You know--all the ingredients needed to add that touch of melancholy and blueness and blahness to the day.

Sigh.

Go away, blues. It's Saturday.

I need some lurrrve. :(

Sobs.

Everyone just feels so faraway now.

I think this is called: I miss my family.

And I miss him, too.

:( 0 oogly boogly . #

I had coffee with my Victorian Literature professor today. It was a hard-to-come-by coffee, ok! Why? Because it took nearly 3 hours of waiting time!! :S:S

Well. He's so busy. But he is SUCH A NICE GUY!! He's one of my favourites. Hah! :D

Also, I made a new friend in the Victorian class. She's actually in a lot of my other classes, and she really stands out because she's so tiny. Oxymoronic, I know. She has this amazing hair and oh-my-gosh her eyes, too. But I've never dared to befriend her because she exudes that really snobbish air. Just that aloof-too-cool vibe. Plus she has that Vogue-expression on her face. So it's not exactly the most approachable aura she gives.

On Wednesday I finally mustered up the courage to smile at her. (Gee, I sound like a desperate, smitten guy. Hahahah.) And she actually smiled back!! (Oh, yes, definitely sound even more like a poor infatuated guy now. Eeeks!!)

Yeah well, I was telling Mr.Boyfriend that I made a lot of friends by skipping classes. 'Cuz 'hey... were you here last class? Only because I missed it, and I wondered what he covered?' is such a brilliant excuse to strike up a conversation. Hahahahhahahaa. *guffaws*

And it's true! Most of the people I approached are so nice. (Well, obviously you don't go knocking on the wrong doors in the first place, yeah?) They are willing to share notes here and actually fill you in in detail about what went on in the class. Of course it's never as good as if you had actually attended the lesson, but it far surpasses those cursory, oh, yeah, he talked about the relationship between XX and YY in the book, basically.

Like, Oh, ok. What about????

OHhhh, you know, the usual. (Proceeds to give some vague nonsense about, bigass themes like redemption, betrayal, entrapment etc. that really doesn't say anything specific.)

-_-

Really.

Where was I. Oh, yes. So me and my 'new friend' got to chatting a little, and she told me she's not doing so well in this other class we're in, whereas she was doing good in Victorian... etc.

I do feel good that we kinda 'broke the ice'. Cuz it's like we know we're in each other's classes, but we've never really went beyond knowing. Haha. So it's good.

Whilst waiting for my professor, too, I met his PhD student, Faith. She has a mild British accent. (Yes, I'm a sucker for British accent cuz it oozes aristocracy. Muahahhaha. Ok. Yes.) And this is the ?? time that someone told me, "Your English is very good."

I don't understand why they say that?

Plus. I'm from SINGAPORE. S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E, people. Not China!!! Ugh.

Anyway, Faith and I hit off really well too! She just became a grandmother, and she showed me her little baby grand-daughter's pictures as well. LOVELY!! This year is actually her 40th anniversary too?? Like WHAT A COINCIDENCE. This year is also Don's and Grace's 40th year??

@_@

Oh, she's actually marking papers for another Shakespeare class too. And she gave me some pointers about my way-overdue Victorian essay.

Isn't it so cool to have coffee and a little chit-chat with your professors and people like Faith? :D

At the end, we exchanged emails. (Emails are really big here, I gather.) So I think I've got another friend. Yay. :D

LASTLY, I forgot to say. I bought the wrong muffin today. I wanted raisin bran, but I took carrot spice instead. I mean, Carrots and SPICE? Erm.

Just not my cuppa tea. :X

It's not as awful as it sounds. Just that, um, I'm not at THAT level yet. I've only recently upgraded to Raisin Bran. Haha. :D:D

Okie. I saw a fabulous magazine that is THE magazine for my sister, I think. Will get it soon!!! Hahahaha. Not gonna tell you what it is about though. It's a little surprise!! Nahaha. And feelin girlie, I also bought a girlie magazine for myself. Yay!

I'm lovin' my Fridays. Hee.

Alright. Gonna snuggle up with some frivolous reading. :D Tata!! 0 oogly boogly . #

Ahhhhh! Right now I'm trying, TRYING, to do my Shakespeare essay... and I'm listening to this song and I just want to cry!!!

BOOHOOO!!! Sobs!!!

Here!! I couldn't help it--I HAD to look for the lyrics!! :(

*

It's been two days and I'm missin' you already
Never really thought you could mean
So much in such a little time

Think about the nights when I'm lyin' in your bed
With my chest resting your head
Now that you're gone I'm here to stay

Chorus:
I think I'm fallin' down. Down! Down! Down!
With a bad case of love. Love! Love! Love!
I think I'm falling for you. You! You! You!
I think, I'm falling in love!

When you're I'm back all I wanna do is hold you
Have a blast even though there's nothing to do
Hold you close and look you in the eyes

So just come back and I'll tell you how I feel
Never knew how easy you could steal
My heart I miss you come home fly here soon

(Chorus)

I think, I'm fallin' in love
I think, I'm fallin' in love

Bridge:
Cause I know that you won't be home when I call you
You're in England Canada now, I hope that you'll be home soon
Cause I know that you won't be there when I call you, NOW
[Hahahaha. This is so funny. Too much like our Skype-sessions. Hahaha.]

(Chorus)

I think, I'm fallin' in love
(slow) I think, I'm fallin' in love

*

"Come Home Soon" by PUG JELLY!

*

When I was staying on-campus in NUS, I only went back during the weekends. And one day, my sister (a total music junkie!!) sent me this song, telling me I HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT because it's what she wants to tell me.

Every Sunday when I go back to my little room in Prince George's Park Residence (PGP), she says that's the song that's playing in her head. Or somewhere during the week, when she misses me, that's the song she plays on her computer.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! NOW I'm so faraway, no weekends to even countdown to... This song just reminds of her and makes me miss her so much!

Then I think about it, it also reminds me of Mr.Boyfriend! See, I even crossed out "come home" to "fly here" soon. Hahaha. Because my lil sister can't fly here, even though she wants to, so that's for Mr.Boyfriend. :D

Haiiiiii.

Sending mama, papa, xiaomei, and charlesy-boy loads of hugs!! XOXOXOXOXOX!! :):)

And a *muacks* for the boyfriend, too. Hee. :D 0 oogly boogly . #

Yesterday it was just like spring had arrived at our door.

Today, though, the weather is absolutely crazy. The wind is going mad at 41km/h. UGH! But the snow is back. Ok. Well.

Um.

I'll try to appreciate it more. Haha.

Anyway. The point of this entry is to complain.

I MISSED MY FIRST WEDDING BANQUET!! SOBSSSSSSSS!!!

My sister gleefully told me that they, that is, the WHOLE big family, went for my uncle's wedding last weekend. When I heard it, I was so shocked! I mean, I didn't even know he was dating?!?!?! And suddenly he's married?!?!

0_0!!

Yeah.. so they all went for the wedding banquet... without me!!! HOW CAN!!! Sobs!! I was so looking forward to attending my first ever wedding banquet, as in like, of people I know, and in this case it's even better because it's a family affair. And I totally missed it!!

Let me tell you why family wedding banquets are important to me, ok. Here's the lowdown!!

I'm the ELDEST both for the maternal and paternal sides of my family. And both my parents are the eldest of their family--that makes me the ELDEST of the ELDEST. The next in line would be my sister and my cousin (they're the same age).

NEXT!! All my aunties and uncles are married with kids already. So I've carried all their babies and they're all now growing up. That's thirteen of them.

Technically, I still have three single uncles left. Because of some generation thing, I've grown up with the impression that they are like my elder cousins, instead of my uncles, because our ages are quite close. In fact, the youngest of them has only recently graduated from Nanyang Technological University (NTU)!

SO. DO YOU GET IT?? The only ones left to 'get married' before me are my three young uncles. ONLY THREE!! Unless my sister gets hitched and gets married before me, that's only three family weddings before my own!

I DON'T WANT!!!!! I was so looking forward to these weddings, occasionally hounding my momma about whether my 'uncles'/cousins are dating yet. Hahaha. And now, see! Finally after such a long wait, one of them gets hitched and married, and I can't witness it.

BOOHOO! :(:(

It would have been so fun to attend the banquet together with all the other kids! It's like a big family affair thing. And I'm really, really into my big family thing. I mean we're all so close, it would've been like a fun gathering of sorts, plus all that celebratory happiness and ughhhhhh!!

I've always been quite envious when I see my parents or grandparents getting invitations to go for their friends', colleagues', or whoever's wedding. Ok, maybe I'm just young and frivolous, and yah I forgot also about the angbao-element, but I just think it's so cool. I've always wondered, sigh! How come I cannot go?

And now I finally can, like I'm finally 'of age' and 'of relevance' (haha), and I didn't.

Oh well.

I know I was missed, though! Haha! My san-yi actually lamented to my momma that, oh man! Why isn't Kai-ning/Bao-bei here!! What a pity!

Haha. Yay! :D

Oh yes. I also heard from my momma and sister that having witnessed this wedding, and watched my uncle's wedding video, my evil cousins are plotting and coming up with evil schemes for MY marriage. They range from 'accelerating the prospects of me getting married', to the actual ceremon(ies), and the various evil stuff they're going to do to my guy.

I also gathered that it kinda helps that they now have an actual person, a REAL target, to keep in mind whilst they are plotting.

HA HA HA. You little evil imps!! You're reading this, right?! Nahahahhaa. You won't get to zhen3* me lorrrr. Nahahahaha. You think I won't *AHEM* assert my authority in my puffy-gala-pompom wedding dress?? No, don't be mistaken. A puffy-gala-wedding-dress won't make me demure hor. *wink*

Hahahahaha. :D

Ok. Enough. Hahaha.

Congratulations to my uncle/cousin, Zhiqiang jiu-jiu!! May you and your lovely bride have a blissful and wonderful marriage!

祝你们有个幸福美满的婚姻！早生贵子，白头偕老！


*zhen (3):
Means something like, to sabotage, mess up, make life miserable or difficult for someone. It may refer to harmless fun/mischief, or it may be malicious. 1 oogly boogly . #

Oh. And I HAVE to blog about this. I had the most horrific and traumatic night yesterday. My worst, WORST nightmare just forced its way into this wintry reality. What is the absolute worst nightmare that can happen??

Run outta food? Zehrs' just bus ride away.
Too cold in your room? Heating down?? Just bundle into a furball.
Bad hair day? Please, wear a toque!
Feel fat? Just cover up the mirror.
Outta money? HOW CAN YOU RUN OUT OF MONEY ON EXCHANGE?!?!?! BAD PLANNING! BAD BUDGETTING! NO DISCIPLINE! Serves you right!! (Stop. Stop. Stop. That's the result of too much anxiety that I'd be in that position.. but. Ok. Stop. OK BABE SHUT UP ALREADY. Hahaha.)

Ok, ok. Seriously. This is the absolute worst.

My laptop died.

DIED! Switched off! Blank screen! Blue screen! "Disk Failure. Hit any key when ready."!! Kaput! Non! Ke belakang pusing!

Oops. Return of the NPCC-repressed training. MuaHahahaha. Sorry. Um. Yes.

SO my computer died. LIKE OMG!!! My first thought was, OMG please, you really, really can't do this to me, my darling lappie!! Please!! And then it was: I'm SO cut off from the world now. I can't talk to Mr. Boyfriend or my family! HOW, HOW, HOW!!

What happened was: I was talking to my sister, when suddenly my laptop starting making this horrrrrrid sound, like something was stuck in the fan. I switched it off, and the next thing I know, it absolutely refused to start.

I tried to take it apart (hahaha) but I only managed to open up the keyboard area. Was too scared I might rip the keyboard out so I didn't pull too hard. (Yeah, right. Those who know me know what is my 'pull too hard'. Hahaha.) Managed to see the fan area and it's pretty clear, except for little dust bunnies. Blew it a little and snapped the keyboard back into place.

Tried to reboot again. And that sound came back. I was so traumatized! It sounded like my lappie might just spontaneously explode and combust ALA cartoon-style.

It's the weekend, so my unit is deserted except for me. I ran to look for my floor manager to get a screwdriver. He wasn't in his room!!

I found him in the common room watching "The Mummy" and I completely sounded like a distraught-damsel-in-distress-OMG-please-resuscitate-my-laptop-please!!

Haha. I'm telling you. It's totally absurd. My lappie has as much PMSy angst as me, ok. Like when Prateek (my floor manager) came to my room to take a look, this *AHEM* lappie of mine booted up JUST FINE. No funky noise, no blank screen, nothing. I even got to log in!!!

Can you believe it!!

It absolutely felt like a Plath moment. -_- ||

Haha.

Well. As soon as Prateek left, though, it promptly died on me again. Like. WTH!!! I showered it with XOXOXOXOXOXOX and it just refused to reciprocate my love.

UGH. I went hunting for Prateek again and was so embarrassed that I keep interrupting his show.

Eventually, my lappie decided to honour me with an acknowledgement of its alive-status by giving me a blue screen that said "Begin dumping of physical memory".

OMG LIKE WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?! What are you "dumping"?!? And what the hell is "physical memory"???

Um. Yes. Computer illiteracy is embarrassing like that. ;)

Haha. Anyway I decided to migrate my lappie-resuscitation project into the common room where Prateek's good-natured charming vibe might rub off my PMSy laptop. But no. My princessy laptop just continued to throw its ballistic tantrums.

While "The Mummy" was regenerating itself and going nuts with the beetles and sand and whatnot, I was willing my laptop to PLEASE don't do this to me. Hahaha. It was a Matilda moment, know??

Yeah, it took me for a little ride when it sputtered for a moment, even let me log in, and whilst I was transferring the files to back it up, it promptly winked at me and collapsed back into oblivion.

Finally, finally, finally. I've never been more happy to hear the awful startup ting-ting-ting-ting sound of Microsoft Windows. YAY!!! I very gingerly plugged in the USB port and transferred the files ONE-BY-ONE. So afraid was I that my lappie will complain I'm making her work too hard!

Haha. Yes. Traumatic. Seriously!!

*Kisses my laptop* MWA MWA!!

My darling laptop is princessy, diva-ish, erratic, pouty, but it is my absolute precious. *mwa mwa!!* Thank you for coming back to me. *mwa mwa!!*

Hahaha. Ok. Thank God. Yay.

*Hahh....* Sigh of relief. :):) 0 oogly boogly . #

is a colossal novel of George Eliot. Apparently a must-read for all Victorian literature scholars.

ANYWAY.

It's MIDDLE OF MARCH!!! AND SPRING IS (almost) HERE!!

It's like suddenly, overnight, the snow is all gone and the sun is shining and suddenly you see grass and pavements everywhere.

:(

It's kinda sad. IT'S ALWAYS LIKE THAT ISN'T IT!!! Always missing something when it's gone--and complaining/not appreciating it whilst it's here.

Sigh.

An Ode to Snow!!

Yeah. When I'm feeling more poetic. :P 0 oogly boogly . #

When I made the decision to go for this Student Exchange Programme (SEP), I had a lot of Grand Plans for myself and how this SEP thing would totally change my life and how I'd step back in Changi Airport a BrandNewMe.

One of my Grand Plans was to get in touch with myself again. I found that I have a lot of these expensive tendencies--to get in touch with myself. Be by myself. Get some independence. You know, all that stuff.

In high school (or junior high, in Canadian terms), I was very excited to move into the Nanyang Boarding House (it's really just a hostel; but my school is pompous with names like that. Haha.). It was my first taste of being away from my parents.

In university, I was extremely inclined to stay on campus. It's not so much for the socializing and partying, but more for myself.

This is actually the first time I'm away from my family for 5 full months. When I stayed in the boarding house and on campus in NUS, I always still see them on the weekends.

It's always been a secret wish of mine to move out and get my own apartment. I've always dreamed of growing up, packing my life up, and moving out on my own, for a few bachelorette years, before I meet the One, and settle down, and get married and have to live with The Family for the rest of my life. I always feel that such a move would help me shape and find who I am, who I want to be.

I still think so, actually. It's not that my famiily restricts me--no, nothing's further from the truth. But it's just that the solitude would allow yourself to HEAR yourself more. Everything you do is for yourself--all your choices: what to eat, what to wear, when to do laundry, what kind of detergent to use, fabric softener or not, air freshener or not...

It's a little like playing Lets-Pretend: you can try on and ditch as many different personas as you want when you're alone. And finding one that FITS you, the way you want.

I still stand by all that because I feel that, the first move into the Nanyang Boarding House really made some lasting ripples in my lifestyle. For one, I was introduced to jazz, new age, and opera music. It's a radical departure from the teensy, angsty pop songs I would have subjected myself to.

Also, I found a new way to negotiate my wardrobe. It made me realize what kind of clothes are more ME. This is of course more pronounced in university, where you finally shelve those uniforms for good. I found a style that I like and I stick to. Moving away from my family into a little room for myself helped me to better anchor who I am, and this in turn gave me fresh ways to come back even closer into the midst of my family again.

Now, again, I found that one of the motivations for SEP is this need to be alone. In my more rational moments, I think it an expensive indulgence. But I always feel that I have so much more to offer the people around me, especially my family and loved ones, when I come back from such 'escapades'.

Oh, what was I saying. Oh, wow, what a long digression. Haha. OK, let's get back to my Grand Plan. Hahahah.

So I wanted to 'be with myself'--in a way. When I applied for accomodation, I was constantly swinging between wanting a roommate and not wanting a roommate. I finally decided to go for 'wanting a roommate' simply because, I could do with some girlie company, and we could have some girlie fun.

Well, I got what I wanted when I say I want to 'move out'. I got a double-room that I have completely to myself--no roommate. Even as I enjoy my solitude and independence, and the smell of my new air-freshener, I do miss the smell of the sun, the smell of home.

I was envisioning a new wardrobe-style too, again. Haha. Like, experimentation with makeup, was one of those stuff. I packed mascara because I had ambitiously thought to go for a smoky-eyed-chick look--another latent desire: I've always LOVED the smoky-eye look. But seriously I can't pull it off, lah, cuz there's not much to smoky-eye about with my single eyelids. Haha. Oh and there's the new clothes--like, maybe try something I don't usually go for... etc.

Besides that envisioned wardrobe-overhaul, as I call it, another GRAND PLAN is to get a major body-overhaul. This one is more serious than the wardrobe-fling. I had serious plans to go to the gym and work out everyday, and I was on the verge of signing myself up for Pilates too, and I would have, if they had not been so painful for my pocket. Like I had plans to work out religiously, twice a week, run some miles and miles, and finally I want to arrive at the land of Flat Tummy and Toned Thighs.

Also, I had instore for myself a religious-overhaul. I was serious about setting myself down to finding out for about this relationship with God and imagined that I'd come back totally, transformed.

More importantly, one of the things I MOST looked forward to on this SEP is sitting in a majestic library perusing those ancient books of literature. I wanted to be surrounded by the dignified silence of knowledge and books, hear the rustling of pages of fellow readers, and perhaps the quiet footsteps of the librarians. I imagined finally being a serious student of literature: thinking meaningfully about the books and the issues they raise, turning these over carefully in my head.

Well. It's March, and my final verdict for myself is: So Much For Idle Fantasies and Idyllic Ideals.

First, the wardrobe-overhaul is really out of the question and completely irrelevant now because 1. I cover everything I wear with my jumbo purple coat anyway and 2. everything here is Made In China and 3. nothing here inspires me to try anything new, wardrobe-wise.

Second, the Lose-Weight-Tone-Up Grand Plan? It has ALWAYS failed. Hahahah. And I really cannot haul myself up to bundle up and walk to the gym in this bloodycoldweather whatwiththe WIND.... Blah. Really. But I know I'd be so satisfied after a good run. It feels good to get all that toxin out.

Reading this made me feel better too!

"Before you take my cue and try some similar diet, I guess I should mention that even with my gym workouts and 150 sit-ups a day, I don't feel any different. I don't think I've lost much weight. This is gonna take some time. But I have WILLPOWER of STEEL, and with God as my witness I will plough my way through fire and high waters to the promised land of Flat Tummy and Toned Thighs."

-taken from the blog of law student currently in Uni of Bristol, England.

THIRD, the library fantasy. In a nutshell that just plummeted into the pits because why? There is no 'majestic', 'castle-looking' library here. My mistake--should have gone to England for that. Haha. There is actually a campus that has stone buildings--that is the University of Western Ontario, but that's in London, Ontario.

Consolation is: the library here is just as fantastic, looks aside. The main library here has TEN levels. It's quiet. Students don't hog books. They don't talk in the library. And the most orgasmic feature of the library is this!!

There is no limit to the number of books you can borrow

AND!

There is no limit to the number of renewals you want to make

AND!!

You can place a 'Recall' for a book that's borrowed out and a 'Hold' for a book that's still in the library, to make sure it's there when you go.

I love it!!! Hahaha.

Where was I. Oh, yeah, my Extreme Makeover Grand Plan(s).

Gone with the hogs, really. :D

Come to think of it, it's not all that big a matter. I've got new body wash and body lotions to pamper myself with. Plus I went shopping yesterday and got a brand new outfit that I'm going to wear when I pick my darling up in April.

Speaking of which, I must say that all my Grand Plans were made in view of my singlehood.

Who'd have thought I'd fall in love, and fall so hard? *BIG SMILE* Haha.

April! That's next month!!!

GASP!

I'm so excited!! Hahah. About him coming AND about picking him up in my brand new outfit. YAYYYY! :D:D

Oh I forgot--another 'overhaul' I wanted was to get some long, luscious locks. Volume, baby, plus length. That went out the window, obviously, when I succumbed to getting myself a Canadian Haircut. Hahah. :D:D

When I'm in good moods like that, I tell myself that with all the fabulous food Don and Grace spoil me with, Abs and Toned Thighs can wait. Hahahaha.

Ok. What a bloody long entry ramble. Hahah. I got MOST carried away. But I know you loved it! So! *grins!!*

Later~~~, dudes! 0 oogly boogly . #

It's a lazy weekend. Lazy because I'm lazy, not because there's nothing to do. Haha.

Anyway, I was blog-hopping and chanced upon this blog (the feel-good kind that I like to read when I'm in a frivolous mood), and she directed her readers to this radio programme.

The radio programme is from Minneapolis apparently a long time ago. The segment is called "Love me, Love me not" and basically callers can call in and get the host to call their partner and do a kind of, spotcheck/fidelity test on them. Reminds me a lot of something they had/have on Perfect 10 98.7 FM in Singapore, actually. Like when they spring a surprise on the person.

So what happened in this segment is this woman called in. The host, Andy Savage, chats with her a bit. He finds out that she and her boyfriend are very much in love and he has given her absolutely no reason to suspect he's cheating on her. "Oh, then it's going to be boring... but we'll humour you, ok?" he actually said.

He calls her boyfriend, Greg, up and tells him they've picked his namecard out of a fish bowl and he's won a dozen roses to send to whoever he wants. Just give us a name and address and we'll do the sending.

Sounds good, eh?

But here's the catch. Or the twist to this story. Like, really, it was like, "Oh MAN....!! Oh my gosh...!!". Haha.

Nah, here. Click THIS to listen to what Greg says. ;) 0 oogly boogly . #

Soooooo. Wanna do this for me?? Haha. :D

Here's what this is all about first:

(taken from Wikipedia)

A Johari window is a metaphorical tool intended to help people better understand their interpersonal communication and relationships. It is used primarily in self-help groups and corporate settings as a heuristic exercise.

Terms selected only by the participant, but not by any of their peers, are placed into the Façade quadrant, representing information about the participant of which their peers are unaware. It is then up to the participant whether or not to disclose this information.

Terms that are not selected by the participant but only by their peers are placed into the Blind Spot quadrant. These represent information of which the participant is not aware, but others are, and they can decide whether and how to inform the individual about these "blind spots".

Terms which were not selected by either the participant or their peers remain in the Unknown quadrant, representing the participant's behaviors or motives which were not recognized by anyone participating. This may be because they do not apply, or because there is collective ignorance of the existence of that trait.

Basically it opens a window with some words that you can click and choose to describe the person.

Go on! It sounds more complicated than it really is. Give it a whirl for me! :D

Click here: http://kevan.org/johari?name=canadiancat to try! :D 0 oogly boogly . #