is that I'm always excited about going away. Leaving home. The prospect of going away from The Family is always thrilling.

Yah, At First.

I've come to realize that the thing with me is that, I'm seldom sad to go. When I reach wherever, I seldom miss home/get homesick there and then. I've always been quite ashamed and guilty that I DON'T miss home in those first few days or first week.

I'm starting to realize that how I operate is that, my nostalgia just builds, and builds, and builds, and builds. Until at the end of the trip, however long, I am just begging to go home NOW PLEASE!!!

Sometimes I don't realize it too. Only when I actually come into contact with The Family will it all undo me and leave me bawling for home.

There was this once, I went for a 9-day Outward Bound School (OBS) course. It wasn't even out of Singapore--just offshore Singapore. We had absolutely no contact at all with anyone for those nine days, except on the last day. During those nine days, I had a blast. I had so much fun with my watch (i.e. group). I even felt good to be 'away from all that' and like, this is so rustic and nice and blah blah blah.

BUT! That was so naive of me. Hur hur. On the last day, the MOMENT I called my family and heard my momma's voice, I started bawling right there in the middle of the canteen.

And all my momma said was, "How are you, baby? Are you good? Everything ok?"

"Hi mommy..!! I'm ok.. I'm (*sniffles, sniffles*), mommy... (*bursts into tears*)--"

Hurrrr. Right there and then I wanted the crummy little boat to take me back immediately!!

Haha. Yah. So I think that's how it is with me. I could go on and on, but the MOST IMPORTANT point that I'm trying to make here is,

that,

I MISS MY FAMILY AND EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE!!! *bawls*

Sigh. It's almost the end of March. Soon it'll be almost three full months since I last hugged my momma, my papa, my lil' silly sis, and my act-tough lil' brother.

Do you know how much accumulation of 'missing them' there is in THREE MONTHS??? :(

When my family and grandparents and uncle's family and Mr.Darling came to see me off, all the *ahem* grown-ups thought I'd definitely cry at the departure gate, being the emotional crybaby that I am.

But I didn't. I was quite surprised myself, actually. Now that the truth about how I operate is out, (!)

I think I will cry when I land in Singapore.

Hahaa. I'm quite sure. Hahaha.

I think going away from your family and people you love are hard enough. Now, when I am facing such an enormous amount of work, their absence is so much more pronounced.

I miss the noise my momma makes in the kitchen that lets me know she's around. I miss hugging her in her soft sweater and sleepwear and bidding her good night.

I miss the coming-in and going-out of my sis and bro as we mug together in the study room, even though it's so disruptive sometimes (haha).

I miss the all-nighters the three of us will pull together, looking forward to a midnight party feast to keep us going, and then settling down again to face the books. I miss teasing my brother with my sister that he always concuss halfway.

I miss working until midnight and knowing that my papa will be coming home; I miss listening out for his key in the door, the quiet rattling of the lock. I miss the midnight snacks he'll sometimes bring home.

I miss the sniffs my papa will give me when he comes back. I miss my momma's hugs. I miss their smiles.

Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

Cannot. Must. Stop.

Hurrr. Sobs.

Canada is fun. It's quiet where I am. The pace is relaxed and leisurely, compared to Singapore, where you'll feel breathless just looking at people. I like the independence I have, and the new stuff I constantly see everyday. The wintry air turning spring, the plump squirrels scurrying around and around, the academic atmosphere...

But I miss home.

Home.

Savour that. Like warm semi-sweet chocolate in your mouth.

*sniffs*


With Don and Grace gone, too, it's that little bit harder.


I can't wait for Q to be here. :)