When I made the decision to go for this Student Exchange Programme (SEP), I had a lot of Grand Plans for myself and how this SEP thing would totally change my life and how I'd step back in Changi Airport a BrandNewMe.

One of my Grand Plans was to get in touch with myself again. I found that I have a lot of these expensive tendencies--to get in touch with myself. Be by myself. Get some independence. You know, all that stuff.

In high school (or junior high, in Canadian terms), I was very excited to move into the Nanyang Boarding House (it's really just a hostel; but my school is pompous with names like that. Haha.). It was my first taste of being away from my parents.

In university, I was extremely inclined to stay on campus. It's not so much for the socializing and partying, but more for myself.

This is actually the first time I'm away from my family for 5 full months. When I stayed in the boarding house and on campus in NUS, I always still see them on the weekends.

It's always been a secret wish of mine to move out and get my own apartment. I've always dreamed of growing up, packing my life up, and moving out on my own, for a few bachelorette years, before I meet the One, and settle down, and get married and have to live with The Family for the rest of my life. I always feel that such a move would help me shape and find who I am, who I want to be.

I still think so, actually. It's not that my famiily restricts me--no, nothing's further from the truth. But it's just that the solitude would allow yourself to HEAR yourself more. Everything you do is for yourself--all your choices: what to eat, what to wear, when to do laundry, what kind of detergent to use, fabric softener or not, air freshener or not...

It's a little like playing Lets-Pretend: you can try on and ditch as many different personas as you want when you're alone. And finding one that FITS you, the way you want.

I still stand by all that because I feel that, the first move into the Nanyang Boarding House really made some lasting ripples in my lifestyle. For one, I was introduced to jazz, new age, and opera music. It's a radical departure from the teensy, angsty pop songs I would have subjected myself to.

Also, I found a new way to negotiate my wardrobe. It made me realize what kind of clothes are more ME. This is of course more pronounced in university, where you finally shelve those uniforms for good. I found a style that I like and I stick to. Moving away from my family into a little room for myself helped me to better anchor who I am, and this in turn gave me fresh ways to come back even closer into the midst of my family again.

Now, again, I found that one of the motivations for SEP is this need to be alone. In my more rational moments, I think it an expensive indulgence. But I always feel that I have so much more to offer the people around me, especially my family and loved ones, when I come back from such 'escapades'.

Oh, what was I saying. Oh, wow, what a long digression. Haha. OK, let's get back to my Grand Plan. Hahahah.

So I wanted to 'be with myself'--in a way. When I applied for accomodation, I was constantly swinging between wanting a roommate and not wanting a roommate. I finally decided to go for 'wanting a roommate' simply because, I could do with some girlie company, and we could have some girlie fun.

Well, I got what I wanted when I say I want to 'move out'. I got a double-room that I have completely to myself--no roommate. Even as I enjoy my solitude and independence, and the smell of my new air-freshener, I do miss the smell of the sun, the smell of home.

I was envisioning a new wardrobe-style too, again. Haha. Like, experimentation with makeup, was one of those stuff. I packed mascara because I had ambitiously thought to go for a smoky-eyed-chick look--another latent desire: I've always LOVED the smoky-eye look. But seriously I can't pull it off, lah, cuz there's not much to smoky-eye about with my single eyelids. Haha. Oh and there's the new clothes--like, maybe try something I don't usually go for... etc.

Besides that envisioned wardrobe-overhaul, as I call it, another GRAND PLAN is to get a major body-overhaul. This one is more serious than the wardrobe-fling. I had serious plans to go to the gym and work out everyday, and I was on the verge of signing myself up for Pilates too, and I would have, if they had not been so painful for my pocket. Like I had plans to work out religiously, twice a week, run some miles and miles, and finally I want to arrive at the land of Flat Tummy and Toned Thighs.

Also, I had instore for myself a religious-overhaul. I was serious about setting myself down to finding out for about this relationship with God and imagined that I'd come back totally, transformed.

More importantly, one of the things I MOST looked forward to on this SEP is sitting in a majestic library perusing those ancient books of literature. I wanted to be surrounded by the dignified silence of knowledge and books, hear the rustling of pages of fellow readers, and perhaps the quiet footsteps of the librarians. I imagined finally being a serious student of literature: thinking meaningfully about the books and the issues they raise, turning these over carefully in my head.

Well. It's March, and my final verdict for myself is: So Much For Idle Fantasies and Idyllic Ideals.

First, the wardrobe-overhaul is really out of the question and completely irrelevant now because 1. I cover everything I wear with my jumbo purple coat anyway and 2. everything here is Made In China and 3. nothing here inspires me to try anything new, wardrobe-wise.

Second, the Lose-Weight-Tone-Up Grand Plan? It has ALWAYS failed. Hahahah. And I really cannot haul myself up to bundle up and walk to the gym in this bloodycoldweather whatwiththe WIND.... Blah. Really. But I know I'd be so satisfied after a good run. It feels good to get all that toxin out.

Reading this made me feel better too!

"Before you take my cue and try some similar diet, I guess I should mention that even with my gym workouts and 150 sit-ups a day, I don't feel any different. I don't think I've lost much weight. This is gonna take some time. But I have WILLPOWER of STEEL, and with God as my witness I will plough my way through fire and high waters to the promised land of Flat Tummy and Toned Thighs."

-taken from the blog of law student currently in Uni of Bristol, England.

THIRD, the library fantasy. In a nutshell that just plummeted into the pits because why? There is no 'majestic', 'castle-looking' library here. My mistake--should have gone to England for that. Haha. There is actually a campus that has stone buildings--that is the University of Western Ontario, but that's in London, Ontario.

Consolation is: the library here is just as fantastic, looks aside. The main library here has TEN levels. It's quiet. Students don't hog books. They don't talk in the library. And the most orgasmic feature of the library is this!!

There is no limit to the number of books you can borrow

AND!

There is no limit to the number of renewals you want to make

AND!!

You can place a 'Recall' for a book that's borrowed out and a 'Hold' for a book that's still in the library, to make sure it's there when you go.

I love it!!! Hahaha.

Where was I. Oh, yeah, my Extreme Makeover Grand Plan(s).

Gone with the hogs, really. :D

Come to think of it, it's not all that big a matter. I've got new body wash and body lotions to pamper myself with. Plus I went shopping yesterday and got a brand new outfit that I'm going to wear when I pick my darling up in April.

Speaking of which, I must say that all my Grand Plans were made in view of my singlehood.

Who'd have thought I'd fall in love, and fall so hard? *BIG SMILE* Haha.

April! That's next month!!!

GASP!

I'm so excited!! Hahah. About him coming AND about picking him up in my brand new outfit. YAYYYY! :D:D

Oh I forgot--another 'overhaul' I wanted was to get some long, luscious locks. Volume, baby, plus length. That went out the window, obviously, when I succumbed to getting myself a Canadian Haircut. Hahah. :D:D

When I'm in good moods like that, I tell myself that with all the fabulous food Don and Grace spoil me with, Abs and Toned Thighs can wait. Hahahaha.

Ok. What a bloody long entry ramble. Hahah. I got MOST carried away. But I know you loved it! So! *grins!!*

Later~~~, dudes!